Updated: May 23
I am just floating.
That's what I keep telling anyone who asks me how I'm doing lately.
Almost two months ago, I made the move from New Jersey to Southeast Texas for a dietetic internship program. I honestly never pictured myself living in Texas, but when I started looking at programs, after a year of heartbreak from a past relationship and feeling isolated from quarantining, I knew I wanted to go somewhere far away from what I know. North Carolina, California, and Texas were some of the areas I had applied to. On April 5th, I was matched to a program in Beaumont, Texas. So, here I am.
I say that I am floating because I have no one feeling toward my life at the moment. I spend my weeks at my rotations for my internship and my weekends are spent working on school work. The best part of my day is coming home to my apartment to eat ice cream and watch Grey's Anatomy with my roommate. I adopted a kitten who is an angel baby but also a devil child at times. But, he is very good company.
I guess I feel underwhelmed with life. This town isn't quite what I excepted and neither is the program I'm in. I think post-college depression is a real thing. For anyone who can relate- I freaking miss it too; my friends all living in the same town, only blocks away from each other. The music bingo on Monday nights at the bar right down the street from my apartment. The campus full of a bunch of young people just as excited about life as you are. I miss it.
I don't know about anyone else, but I also think I find it really hard to balance becoming a professional while also expressing myself and having fun. I want to be knowledgeable and make it known that I am serious about my goals, but I also don't want to lose the 22-year-old girl who loves to go out with friends, dye her hair crazy colors, drink one too many beers because she can, and express herself however she wants. I just want to do both.
I know that this year is just a bridge I have to cross to get even closer to my dream career. I'm learning who I don't want to be as a dietitian, I've connected with people who think like me, I'm seeing new ways of thinking, I'm hating parts, and I'm enjoying others. I know that once I get to where I need to be, that I can do what I want with my certification. I could open up my own practice that also serves as a yoga studio and dye my hair whatever color I want. But for now I am floating. And I think the floating is good. The floating is me realizing that this may not be where I imagined myself, but accepting that it's leading me to where I'm supposed to go and who I am supposed to be.